Thanksgiving Torture Foods

Everyone has their favorites for Thanksgiving. If yours shows up on this list, well, don't bring it to my house.

1. Anything involving jello, especially jello and vegetables. This includes jellow and grated carrots. It also includes that bizarre jello, fruit and marshmellow concoction popularly known as 'ambrosia.' Yeah, maybe in Hell, it's ambrosia, but if I had to eat this stuff to stay immortal, I choose old age and death.

2. Green beans of any variety drenched in cream of mushroom soup and topped with something crunchy, whether it be bread crumbs, french fried onions, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish(t), or what have you.

3. Anything involving breadcrumbs, for that matter.

4. I've said it before and I'll say it again, lasagne is not a holiday food. Serve it with salad on Superbowl Sunday, not next to my turkey.

5. Frozen vegetables, any kind.

6. Canned vegetables, ditto.

7. Homemade whole wheat rolls - the kind that taste and feel exactly like rock.

8. Orange cranberry relish. I don't care if you've been saying that you like it for years, you're lying and that stuff is nasty.

9. Bad gravy. This could include watery gravy, greasy gravy or tasteless gravy, as well as just about anything out of a box, bag or packet.

10. Tofurky. Even the name is bad.

There are many more things that belong on this list, but I've just made myself queasy, and I just can't stand any more right now.