Monday, January 31, 2011

The Teacher Hall of Shame

So we've gone through a lot of teachers. Between myself, my younger siblings, cousins and many friends with kids, it's kind of inevitable that we would. Besides that, parents talk. A lot. Especially about teachers. I won't lie to you. Our kids are...challenging...for most teachers. Why? Well, I like to think it's because we teach them to think for themselves, and most teachers are uncomfortable with kids who do that, but...maybe it's something else. Maybe it's because we're black. Anyway all time worst stories about teacher are:

  1. The math teacher who thought no one should correct her when she put a wrong answer on the board, and then held a grudge the rest of the year when it happened.

  2. The teacher who thought it was appropriate to post a nasty comment on her blog. On the Internet. (I think it was supposed to be a sekrit blog. On the Internet. With names. And pictures.)

  3. The teacher who thought eating mustard from the package required an EMERGENCY, SAME DAY, IN-PERSON conference. Why? Still not sure...the major argument seemed to be that this behavior might cause some kind of school-wide mustard shortage, but...REALLY? EMERGENCY? Did this bitch have any idea what it does to a parents heart rate to be called in the middle of the day and told you need to come in for an EMERGENCY conference? Grrr!)

  4. The history teacher who assigned the essay, "Where did Hitler go wrong, and how would you have done things differently to win WWII?" (I'm not making this up. Really.)

  5. The substitute who ran a popular after school activity, and then got arrested for child molestation. (Every parent's worst nightmare, and somehow the fact that my kids weren't involved in what happened doesn't make me feel much better.)
  6. The physics teacher who broke the blackboard during a demonstration of gravitational force, and then followed that up by setting the school on fire while subbing in the chemistry room. Fun? Yeah, kinda, but still a scary nightmare. Also possibly a secret drinker, but that smell COULD have been due to too much cologne...

  7. The teacher who choked a kid. (Yep. No joke. If it makes you feel better he did get suspended for like two weeks. No it wasn't my kid, but seriously?)

  8. The calculus teacher who broke down in the middle of class and just left. Forever.

  9. Not a teacher but I'll include also the parent who sent an inappropriate email out to all of the other parent in the classroom, directed at one kid in particular, and then when she was told to stay away from that kid, did everything she could to be 'friendly.' (STILL want to sucker punch THAT bitch.)

  10. The Japanese teacher who was very complimentary until she found out the kid wasn't part Japanese, and then froze up REAL QUICK!

  11. The science teacher who spent most of the year talking about her previous career as a research assistant in Antarctica.

  12. The teacher who flat out lied about something a student had done, got caught in the lie IN FRONT OF THE PRINCIPLE, and then tried to say that the essence of the issue was the same, regardless of whether the lie had been told or not.

  13. The math teacher who thought the person in a cast should walk up three flights of stairs so she wouldn't be inconvenienced by meeting in the office. And then spent most of the conference talking about her multiple master's degrees, like anyone gave a shit.

  14. The teacher who *might* have been a crack addict. Never could confirm it, but suspicions were high, and highly suspect paraphernalia was sighted.

  15. The English teacher who corrected grammar that wasn't incorrect. And didn't apologize to the student, or look at all uncomfortable when it was pointed out that the correction was clearly designated as incorrect in a contemporary grammar book. Or change the grade.

I'm sure there are more. And to be fair the next post will be the good teachers. By name. We loooooove our good teachers. They have an amazing positive impact on children's lives. Maybe that's the reason we want to tie all the bad one together, pour gasoline on them, and set them on fire. Oh, and what's with gym teachers? They give a psych test, and if you fail, you're hired?!?

I now open the floor to nominations. No names please, just minimally identifying characteristics, if they're appropriate, and the basis of the nomination.

Friday, January 28, 2011

6 Reasons I Should Really Post More

Well, here we are at the end of January. How are your New Year's Resolutions doing? Mine...look at that shiny thing! What were we talking about? One post a week shouldn't be that hard. It really shouldn't. So here are some reasons I should post more:

1. It's a much better way to procrastinate than digging dust bunnies out from under the couch.
2. My blog is an excellent place to remind myself of all the things I'm supposed to be mad about.
3. If I post more, no one will ask me how come I don't post more.
4. I said I'd do more to publish my writing, and it counts as publishing my writing...doesn't it?
5.If I posted the grocery list to the blog, I wouldn't have to worry about losing it in the store.
6. I said I would blog more, and allegedly it's important to do what you say you're going to.

So, look for a weekly post on Friday. I like Friday as my deadline day, because if I miss it, I can always claim I tried to post and I was so drunk I couldn't get the mouse to the "publish post" button. It might even be true...occasionally.