Friday, October 31, 2008

Things Kids Don't Want In Their Halloween Candy

Ok so I could go with the obvious here like razorblades, drugs or poison, but honestly when are we all going to let those urban myths just die. While it's always going to be a good idea to take a good look at candy your kids get from strangers, any strangers, it's just sad that we insist on believing that our neighbors secretly want to poison our children. Especially since it's never actually happened. (Don't believe me? Look it up on, which is a web site that investigates urban myths, and a damned good one, too.)

Anyway don't give these things to kids who have taken the time to dress up and come to your house. If you do, you deserve the toilet paper:

1. Toothbrushes - please no not-subtle moral nudges, this is supposed to be a fun activity.
2. Dental floss - goes double.
3. Sugar free hot chocolate - not cute, and oh yeah, nasty.
4. Pennies - don't be cheap, if you don't want to give candy, give nickels at least, quarters even.
5. Apples - tradition, blah, blah, blah, whatever. No.
6. Any fruit, for that matter - and no raisins are NOT just like candy.
7. Religious pamphlets - why waste the paper?
8. Those weird strawberry candies - no kid likes those things.
9. Peanuts - seriously, no.
10. Cigarettes - it's not funny, it's tacky
11. Matches - ditto
12. Coupons - uh... trick or treating does not equal grocery shopping. Moron.
13. Excuses - have candy or just turn out the porch light.

And despite the irritation of some uptight parents, yes it is funny to dress up and try to scare the kids silly before you give them candy. After all, you should have some fun, too.

Happy Halloween!