Monday, February 7, 2011

Hoarding Impulses I'll Never Understand

So I've been watching Hoarders off and on since it started. I'm not sure, really, if it's a guilty pleasure or a form of therapy. It's possible I'm waiting for the episode where someone gets crushed under all that stuff. I have to say that I do find it gut-wrenching when they tell you at the end that a house is condemned or that the owners can't afford the repairs needed to live in it. I kind of feel like if they want to risk their lives in their rotting house with the bad wiring and all the damage from the years of hoarding...well, if it's no longer stinking up the neighborhood, attracting vermin and spilling out onto the sidewalk, why is it anyone else's business? Ok, maybe that's mean, but really, it's their nasty, disgusting, mess of a formerly nice house, isn't it? And what is with these people who move themselves out of their homes for rusty tools and unopened packages of plastic containers? Why can't you open the packages and put some of that other crap IN them? At least you'd have more space! That said, there are some hoarding impulses I'll never understand. For example:

  1. Animals. That's not a collection, that's like making a job for yourself that you don't get paid OR thanked for. And believe me, those animals might love you, but they won't hesitate to eat you, when push comes to it.
  2. Animal skeletons. Fluffy is DEAD! Let GO already.
  3. Human waste. Really? In what world is this anything but GROSS?!?
  4. Rotten food. It's ROTTEN! ROOOOOTTTTEEEN! This isn't 17th century Russia you know. You can't just disguise it under a sour cream sauce and serve it to the neighbors. No, you can't.
  5. Plates. I don't get plate collectors. They're plates. Plates. Just plates.
  6. Dolls. A house full of dolls is just creepy. Don't try to deny it. You know it's true.
  7. Anything from a dead person. Especially if it includes the stuff above.

I'm sure there's more stuff, but honestly I had to stop watching Hoarders for a while again, after something I saw in the last one made me throw up. Literally. Still whenever I get the urge to buy more fabric, I turn it on, at least for a few minutes. Then I walk around the house saying, "There but for the grace of God, there but for the grace of God..." Because, let's face it, I may still die under a mountain of fabric.

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